Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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