I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
