My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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