I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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