I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
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New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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