hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
