If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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