i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
