She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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