I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
