Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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