Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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