I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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