I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
