O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
