Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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