Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
