I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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