Farmville is her only friend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
