Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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