I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize