Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
