we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
