you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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