I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
