I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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