Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
