a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
