We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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