I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
