You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
