The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
