Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
