Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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