I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
