Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
