Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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