dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
