Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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