When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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