I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
