It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
