She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
