Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
