so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
worst night to have a conscience
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
