Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
