Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
