He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
