We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
