pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
