god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
