it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
