So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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