I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
