fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
