so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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