Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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