I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
