thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
