I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
