the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
