I hope mine doesn't look like that
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
