I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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