In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
