Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
